[bombing]

good things come to those who wait but if you wait too long you die. the trick is figuring out how to get what you want before that happens

i have left clear instructions in my will giving my family full permission to flush me after i die

it was called the Roaring 20s because of the massive spike in dragon births during that time period

bombing:

you had me at “can you please stop talking to me about how the socioeconomic status of the average american family is slowly declining i don’t care”

alright i have good news and bad news. the bad news is i’m about to rob you. the good news is dead people don’t need money

throwing a bunch of avocados in my kitchen sink and beating it into guacamole using my tiny fists does NOT make me a republican

so someone left this perfectly good apple at the train station today. i waited about three hours but nobody came to pick it up and i couldn’t let it go to waste so i decided to take it for myself. while i was walking home with it i realized that this was a perfect opportunity to do another one of my famous giveaways. that’s right i’m giving away this perfectly good apple.
the rules are:
must be following me 
i want notes so likes and reblogs count. reblog it like 40 times i don’t care. make three separate accounts and reblog it 40 times on each one 
i am not responsible for the condition of the apple after i ship it
i will choose the winner sometime. good luck and have fun

so someone left this perfectly good apple at the train station today. i waited about three hours but nobody came to pick it up and i couldn’t let it go to waste so i decided to take it for myself. while i was walking home with it i realized that this was a perfect opportunity to do another one of my famous giveaways. that’s right i’m giving away this perfectly good apple.

the rules are:

  1. must be following me 
  2. i want notes so likes and reblogs count. reblog it like 40 times i don’t care. make three separate accounts and reblog it 40 times on each one 
  3. i am not responsible for the condition of the apple after i ship it

i will choose the winner sometime. good luck and have fun